The Force Awakens and How to Train Your Dragon 2

The story of my two least favorite movies.

You are sitting in the movie theater with excited anticipation. You loved the movie before this one and have been waiting for a long time to see this new one. It begins.

Yay! The opening is so familiar! Wow. The world has only changed a little! Delight! Still excited!

Oh. That’s not the main character you remember. Well, there are some similarities, and of course you weren’t expecting an exact repeat of the last movie. (None of the old characters, planets, or groups are here/Hiccup is a puffed up, irresponsible brat)

Oooh. A new bad guy. He actually doesn’t seem that cool. (Kylo Ren is way less impressive than the previous Sith/Eret Son of Eret is mostly talk) Maybe he’ll get better! Okay, good, the important part is they got away with what was almost stolen. (BB8 got the plans away/Hiccup and Astrid got away with their dragons and still in one piece.

What’s going on here? Still the same internal problem? (Rebels fighting an order that is oppressing the galaxy and has a new super-weapon/Hiccup and his father don’t agree on something) Um…

Ooh, yay! A character you recognize and who hasn’t changed from the last movie! Oh, and now he meets his wife whom he hasn’t seen in a long time. They are reluctant to like each other again at first.

Oh, you see. That bad guy was only working for a different bad guy who is the main bad guy and the main bad guy is the only reason that the first bad guy is bad. (Kylo Face working for Snoke/ Dragon hunters, or Eret, working for Drago)

Intense scene–what?? They killed him!! They killed that character! NOOOOOOO! (Killed Han for no reason/Killed Stoick for no reason)

Big climax scene. The gist of this is exactly the same as the first movie, only on a bigger scale. Whoopee, how interesting. (The rebellion destroys a spherical battle station that can blow up planets/ Hiccup and Toothless must work together to defeat a big dragon that is controlling all the other dragons)

Now the end. Main character gets to be an honored, respected figure. (Rey becomes a Jedi/Hiccup becomes chief) What about all the old characters? They showed up in the movie but didn’t do anything significant. (R2 and 3-PO/Snotlout, Ruff + Tuff, Fishlegs)

Oh, you see how it is. The best friend of the character who died is given no honor or respect. (Stoick’s dragon was given to a former bad guy whom we are not certain actually turned/Chewbacca gets no acknowledgement from Leia, even though they knew each other and had special relationships with the guy who died, Leia instead hugs Rey, that girl she never met before)

And it ends by elevating already elevated hero. (Rey finds Luke and becomes a Jedi/Hiccup wins the dragon race) That support character who was so important in the first movie’s gets no reward and didn’t even have an important part. (Astrid’s only point is to be Hiccup’s taken-for-granted girlfriend when she used to be his big crush/R2’s only action is adding to a map and 3-PO the Annoyance gets, like, one line)

Leave the movie theater. Still happy–you just saw the sequel to the story you loved so much!

After a few days you realize…that stank.

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